Monthly Archives: January 2017

Eggs

Eggs for dinner, eggs for lunch, one more egg and I’ll get the hump. (Looking forward to a day with the paints tomorrow!)

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The Great Switch Off 2017 – Switched ON

Well, the great switch off lasted five days. Then after a 25 minute phone call the Brick got hot. Opened it to find the battery denting itself! Now, I’ve read about the exploding Samsung phones, so I didn’t want to get blown up by a £6.50 Nokia. I’m back on the iPhone. I had about three whatapp messages from the Boyfriend. Now, if someone you live with can’t remember you don’t have apps then what chance does everyone else have!

We are switched on. There’s no off button now, unless you want to live in a cave and have no attachment with society. I gained a few extra chapters of a book, maybe a bit of a straighter back from not looking down so much by switching off the iPhone. I lost the chance of catching a rare Pokémon. Was it worth it? Maybe if I get my £6.50 back from Tesco and swap it for beer.

Nokia haven’t got back in touch about the battery. Shame on you Nokia.


The Great iPhone Switch off Part 5

Wednesday 18th January

Nothing to report. Apart from almost turning the iphone on to take a photo to email to someone. Picked up the SLR instead and did it through the desktop computer that was already on anyway. Things I miss – Banking app. Things that have changed in my life since switching off – quite frankly, nothing. I’m still finding ways to dodge focusing. I’m not missing it though. It’s proved that I can easily live without an iphone. I’ll give it til the weekend and probably turn it back on again.

(if it wasn’t freezing cold I would probably miss it more as I’d be out more. I have everything that’s on the iPhone on the desktop, that’s always on, the kindle, that’s always on… Maybe switching off ALL technology could be the next experiment)
Text – 0 Calls – 0

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The Great iPhone Switch Off 2017 Part 4

Tuesday 17th January

I was staring at a guy playing pokemon on the train. I was focused so hard I didn’t notice him staring at me with a look that said ‘are you going to steal my phone or touch my crotch’

It’s been a dull day at work, I see how the iphone can be a good distraction when there’s nothing really to do, guess it’s trying to find the fine line. This morning I was thinking about selling the iphone and buying a neat little compact camera (my GOD their resale value is worse than a used sofa!) but this evening I need a distraction from some sad news, and I can’t really get into photos, or drawing. Not actually sure what the iphone has to distract me, apart from its harsh rays of light embedding into my retinas. Maybe if I just shine the Bricks flashlight in my eyes it might have the same effect. Yep, not only does it have a flashlight, but a basic calendar and calculator too. All for £6.50!
Anyhow calls – 0 Texts – 0 … Twitchy digits – 10.

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The Great iPhone Switch Off 2017 Part 3

Monday 16th January

So, the iPhone is at home. It’s pouring with rain so there was no way a pokemon walk will be happening at lunch. Two apps I could have done with this morning, the train app to see that my train was running five minutes late, and the weather app, to see that two layers of clothes is not enough. Could have checked all that on the kindle, but that takes an age to switch on. Is that classed as laziness? First thing I do when I get in the office is try and plug the Brick into the iphone cable to charge. I think the battery on the Brick will outlive me. Wondering how long this classical conditioning will take to wear off. I’m usually spinning the pokemon stop all day, so will be interesting to see how twitchy the left hand will be.

1.38pm – Hey, this is not as bad as expected. Forgot to take the Brick out to lunch. I have a feeling this will be an ongoing issue. It’s nice to not have to double check I have a £600+ mini computer in my bag. Jesus, I spent that much on a phone. And I complain how much healthy food costs.

Sussed out how to Instagram without a phone. Starting to feel like a mad genius getting one over on society. This is all in my head. Made three posts, talked to an old friend (seriously, NOW I use instagram to talk to people?) cackle and switch off.

5.01pm – I get stopped twice on the way to the train station on the way home. The ‘I’m too busy to look up’ barrier is no longer there! I don’t like people! I have earphones in so I have to take those out twice, cutting off sentences from the audiobook I’m listening too. Need to work on my ‘fuck off’ face better, can’t have this happening all the time… It’s distracting!

20.39pm – I cooked! Without using the timer on the phone! I guestimated and didn’t poison anyone! The evening has been a lot easier than expected. I’ve just got on with it. I could just be having a euphoric moment before the harsh crippling detox crumbles me into tears on the floor BUT for the moment it feels good not having a flickering multi bleeping rectangle of light sitting on the desk. For the first time in ages I was on the house phone actually listening to my folks without fucking around on the iphone on facebook or whatever. I remember what they said! Good lord. Is this… Is this the concentration I’ve been looking for? Is it THAT easy?

Calls – 0 Texts – 3!

Made some stock vector hearts on my lunch break, just for something to do!

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The Great iPhone Switch Off 2017 Part 2

Sunday 15th January

No idea what time it is when I wake up. Didn’t see the point of tucking the Brick into bed with me. I’ve been reliant on the iphone to wake me. It probably watched me sleeping too. Turn the kindle on to carry on reading, inevitably check facebook, start to realise my lack of distraction miiight not be the iphone. Feeling sick, probably something to do with the Galaxy Golden eggs I kept picking at yesterday for something to do. Start to worry about instagram. I never told them about the ‘experiment’. I have never once spoken to anyone on there, but somehow I feel as if I owe them an explanation for my absence. This cold light of day is bringing my self importance crashing down with a thud. I shut the curtains and sleep til noon.

1pm and I’m pottering. Or more walking round in circles, staring at things and not really knowing what to do with myself. To be fair this is typically what happens on a Sunday, but I usually have an app for it. I watch the football with the other half, actually watch it instead of mumbling ‘yes dear’ and gazing at facebook on the screen in my hands. I now know what Ross Barkley from Everton looks like, instead of just hearing what the boyfriend thinks of him throughout the match (words that my fair lady hands will not repeat!) I pick up the Brick three times during the first half and contemplate phoning my best mate, then decide against it as I really have nothing to talk about. I’m going to have to start remember things. Pretty sure it’s a friend’s child’s birthday so send a text. I forget how laborious it is to type on phone keys! Send the shortest text I feel I can get away with then add lots of kisses as it’s easier. Wonder when I’ll break and use the call function, surely that would have been quicker? Everton won.

Stared at the guinea pig for 20 minutes. He ended up swearing and gritting his teeth at me. Charming.

Now read half the book. Being that it’s on a kindle I have no idea what the actual size of the book is, but I’m feeling like I’ve achieved something at least. I’m hoping I don’t get that ‘smug’ feeling. ‘Oh, spent your day looking at your phone huh? Well, I’ve read three books this week. You should put your phone down and get cultured…’. Shit. Hope I don’t get so righteous I turn vegan.

Pick up some plasticine that’s been sitting on a shelf for two years. It’s given my hands something to do, and after three minutes of kneading the stuff I realise how shocking my hand strength is. Now, I can’t put that down to the iphone, unlike my stooping back and failing eyesight, but I guess it’s something I can work on now I don’t have something permanently stuck to my hand. Something not unlike a Trap Door monster forms in the plasticine, all mouth and fangs, so I get the camera out and try stop motion. Typically you need about 800 photos to make maybe a minute of video I take 22, download a free video maker and put the results up on facebook… Baby steps… Baby steps. I  worry about Pokemon Go and charge the iphone up for tomorrow’s walk. Look, you can take me away from an iphone, but if I use it JUST as a pokemon catcher it still counts, right? I’ll never walk anywhere otherwise! Oh, and I’ll have to have it on at work cause then I need to collect pokeballs (my work is conveniently a pokestop). Maybe I can update instagram and twitter in my lunch break too. I’m developing new rules. It’s day two. Fuck.

Calls – 0, Texts -2

(Sorry, couldn’t add the video! You get the idea though) img_5406

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The Great iPhone Switch Off 2017

14th January 2017

I have the attention span of a gerbil on cocaine. I look back and remember misty days when I could get lost in a song, read for hours, paint and design into the night… (I believe it was around 2003) Then, I’m pretty sure smartphones came along and I’ve had one attached to my clawed hand ever since. After years of toying with the idea of switching the iPhone off and relying on the most basic phone in the world (a Nokia brick) I decide to buy the cheapest I can find (with Tesco vouchers £6.50!), a New Scientist magazine and Galaxy eggs. LET THE EXPERIMENT BEGIN!

It’s Saturday, 2pm.

iPhone doesn’t like you to take anything away from it. I’ve spent half an hour manually adding peoples numbers to the Brick, I would say 25% of the numbers I have on the iphone are people I don’t remember and 50% are of people I haven’t physically seen in over three years. I now have twelve numbers.

Before I switch off the glowing rectangle of distraction I take a photo of the Brick with it and add it to facebook telling everyone what I’m going to do. Cause obviously they all give a shit and ride on my every word. Someone says to write a blog about it. I told her that would defy the point!…

Start reading New Scientist about 3pm. Pretty much after EVERY article I get the urge to look at the phone, wondering how many people have ‘liked’ my facebook Brick status. Looking at the Bricks little pixel screen doesn’t seem to give me the sweet nugget my rat brain craves so decide to do the washing up, the hoovering and cook dinner two hours early.

9pm. I’ve totally lost track of time. Figured it was only 7pm so I’m out by hours. I’ve only been without the iPhone for seven of them. I start to play Snake on the Brick. It’s not as fun as it was in 2003.

Lying in bed I remember the kindle attaches to the internet. Facebook stabs its way into me like a fanged viper.

Start reading The Man Who Fell To Earth. I manage almost three chapters before checking facebook again.

Calls – 0. Texts – 4

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