The Great iPhone Switch Off 2017 Part 2

Sunday 15th January

No idea what time it is when I wake up. Didn’t see the point of tucking the Brick into bed with me. I’ve been reliant on the iphone to wake me. It probably watched me sleeping too. Turn the kindle on to carry on reading, inevitably check facebook, start to realise my lack of distraction miiight not be the iphone. Feeling sick, probably something to do with the Galaxy Golden eggs I kept picking at yesterday for something to do. Start to worry about instagram. I never told them about the ‘experiment’. I have never once spoken to anyone on there, but somehow I feel as if I owe them an explanation for my absence. This cold light of day is bringing my self importance crashing down with a thud. I shut the curtains and sleep til noon.

1pm and I’m pottering. Or more walking round in circles, staring at things and not really knowing what to do with myself. To be fair this is typically what happens on a Sunday, but I usually have an app for it. I watch the football with the other half, actually watch it instead of mumbling ‘yes dear’ and gazing at facebook on the screen in my hands. I now know what Ross Barkley from Everton looks like, instead of just hearing what the boyfriend thinks of him throughout the match (words that my fair lady hands will not repeat!) I pick up the Brick three times during the first half and contemplate phoning my best mate, then decide against it as I really have nothing to talk about. I’m going to have to start remember things. Pretty sure it’s a friend’s child’s birthday so send a text. I forget how laborious it is to type on phone keys! Send the shortest text I feel I can get away with then add lots of kisses as it’s easier. Wonder when I’ll break and use the call function, surely that would have been quicker? Everton won.

Stared at the guinea pig for 20 minutes. He ended up swearing and gritting his teeth at me. Charming.

Now read half the book. Being that it’s on a kindle I have no idea what the actual size of the book is, but I’m feeling like I’ve achieved something at least. I’m hoping I don’t get that ‘smug’ feeling. ‘Oh, spent your day looking at your phone huh? Well, I’ve read three books this week. You should put your phone down and get cultured…’. Shit. Hope I don’t get so righteous I turn vegan.

Pick up some plasticine that’s been sitting on a shelf for two years. It’s given my hands something to do, and after three minutes of kneading the stuff I realise how shocking my hand strength is. Now, I can’t put that down to the iphone, unlike my stooping back and failing eyesight, but I guess it’s something I can work on now I don’t have something permanently stuck to my hand. Something not unlike a Trap Door monster forms in the plasticine, all mouth and fangs, so I get the camera out and try stop motion. Typically you need about 800 photos to make maybe a minute of video I take 22, download a free video maker and put the results up on facebook… Baby steps… Baby steps. I  worry about Pokemon Go and charge the iphone up for tomorrow’s walk. Look, you can take me away from an iphone, but if I use it JUST as a pokemon catcher it still counts, right? I’ll never walk anywhere otherwise! Oh, and I’ll have to have it on at work cause then I need to collect pokeballs (my work is conveniently a pokestop). Maybe I can update instagram and twitter in my lunch break too. I’m developing new rules. It’s day two. Fuck.

Calls – 0, Texts -2

(Sorry, couldn’t add the video! You get the idea though) img_5406






About Shelly Still

Illustrator, skull collector, photographer, paint splatterer View all posts by Shelly Still

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